So my bf and I have been together for a few years now, and like most couples, we used to have sex pretty much every time we’d see each other which was multiple times a week at the beginning of our relationship. And like most couples, our drive for sex dwindled as time went on.

It might be important to note that we also do see each other less now (every weekend only, instead of it previously being that an additional few times throughout the week as well), but so it went from having sex many times in a week, to multiple times in a weekend, to once in a weekend, to sometimes going a few weeks without having sex, to now—almost 2 months without having it.

I’m not really happy with this because while I’ve never really cared for sex much, I still feel like my sex drive is a lot higher than his at this point of our relationship. And to me, sex plays a huge role in the level of felt-emotional intimacy/closeness in a relationship. It used to always be him imitating sex because I felt like his drive hard to be higher than mine, but now there have been multiple times where although I’m not directly initiating sex (cuz rejection scares me lol), but I’ll definitely hint at it in ways that are subtle yet pretty obviously an initiation of sex (like it wouldn’t be appropriate for me to be acting this way with anyone else if that makes sense), and he will kind of just brush it off. It makes me feel undesired and sometimes frustrated :(

We have talked about this before, and he has mentioned how his age might play a role, and how he is also in a particularly stressful and busy period of his life at the moment. So I definitely don’t want to be disrespectful and push him into doing anything he wouldn’t wanna do—especially at a stressful time in his life. But idk some days I’ll have a really high sex drive, and because my sex life with him feels dead, I’ll start fantasizing about other people/previous people I’ve gotten with and it makes me feel guilty. I feel like I can’t help it though because the thought of him doesn’t really get me excited anymore (but I think this is only because I feel like he doesn’t want me).

Another thing I could mention is that I know he often feels insecure about his..performance in the bedroom. I’ve never had a vaginal orgasm with him, but I’ve also never had a vaginal orgasm with anyone I’ve been with! I’ve told him before that I don’t really feel anything through penetration, only clitoral stimulation, but I think this is difficult for him to wrap his head around because of his personal experiences with sex in the past. However, this doesn’t stop me from wanting to have penetrative sex! Like that’s probably what we mostly do and I still get excited because it’s the thought of it while we’re doing it that makes me excited, but I genuinely don’t feel pleasure there. Anyway, that’s a bit of a side tangent, but I wanted to mention that part because I wanna clarify that I don’t think it’s the way that I’m acting that makes him feel insecure about his performance, but rather the mere fact that he knows I don’t feel pleasure from penetration..

I know he’s also not the happiest with his physical appearance at the moment (weight wise), and I wonder if this plays a role as well? But idk he has always been on the bigger side, and he has gained a bit of weight since the beginning of our relationship, but not anything noticeable in my opinion. I have also never mentioned it because I genuinely don’t care about things like that, but I know he’s been getting down on himself because of it :/

Aside from this, I think he is an amazing partner, and he makes me really happy. So I just feel a bit lost on what to do because we have never really had any issues otherwise, and bringing this up to him again would just make me feel like I’m trying to sabotage the good thing we have going. Idk do I just ride it out? Wait for this moment to pass and hope our sex life will get better with time? Because I want to be respectful of his feelings; I couldn’t imagine going through a stressful period in my life and meanwhile my partner is all horny and frustrated with me just cuz I am going through something and they can’t handle not having sex for a little while lol. But at the same time, I’m like sometimes really really in the mood, and as I mentioned earlier, I start feeling shameful or guilty because of it/what I fantasize about.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated thank you :’)