Hi everyone. Thanks for taking the time to read this. There are many ways in which I (m37) am proud of my confidence about the right things and my strength to deal with difficult situations. However, I have always been a very very sensitive guy. My wife (f36) has seen me cry many many many times over the years (and has always been amazingly tender and caring every time). I am very open with my feelings. I share about my insecurities. I am far from a typically masculine man.

In most ways, I'm happy about that. I don't value typical or toxic ideals for cishet men, though I am straight and was born as/identify as a man. This doesn't mean I won't stand up for myself or others that need me to. It doesn't mean I'm incapable of things that are hard to deal with. I'm just very sensitive and go through phases when I have serious struggles with self esteem. I am in therapy and have been working through the self esteem issues.

Like it implies in my post title, I've always had an underlying concern that my sensitivity makes me less sexually desirable. Less sexy in general. Though I have been told that being in touch with my emotions IS sexy, my wife and I don't have sex very often. We absolutely communicate about it and keep trying to make that better. I have been hesitant to ask her about this specific concern, because it feels like it's asking her for undue and unfair emotional labor.

I just have this idea that it's difficult to lust after a guy you sat with as he cried last week (and countless other times). That confidence is sexy and while I have it in a lot of ways that I think are important, it falls away when it comes to other things.

A CRUCIAL DISTINCTION: I do NOT equate the thought that some women might find men who exude a certain level of comfortable confidence with the ignorant cliche that "men just want assholes". A person can be openly confident and not an asshole.

I also know that a lack of confidence due to me being concerned about my sexual desirability DUE to my sensitivity is self fulfilling and can create a downward spiral. Being concerned about that can make me actively less confident, which I then observe and the downward cycle carries on.

Thank you for sifting through my mess of thoughts. I guess I'm looking for input and kind words. Or even hard to hear words if you think it would be more helpful. Either way, I'm very grateful for your time and any input at all.

TL;DR: Do I (m37) ask my wife (f36) about her input on if my high emotional sensitivity makes it difficult to find me sexy? I feel like this is something I need to keep working on with myself only.