Apologies for the formatting, I am on mobile.

My (F21) boyfriend “J” (M23) and I have been together for basically 3 years and he’s been moved in with me at my parents house for about 2 1/2 years. It has been mostly good but him and my mother don’t like each other much but they do stay civil. My mom currently has cancer and it’s not great, she’s not dying but I am having to pick up most of the things around the house since she has been down. Such as cooking dinner for them plus my sibling who is 14, driving her to all of her appointments, and cleaning the house, and taking care of my mom. I currently do not have a job as I am in school full time and stepping into the mom role. My mom gets social security and “J” works part time. I’m sorry for the long back story but i want to make sure to include all of the context.

Lately it has been a lot of work on me as we just found out about another mass on my mother. I also have ADHD, anxiety, and depression. Last Wednesday I had my first therapy appointment and the original plan was that i was going to use “J’s” car and drive myself as i needed to stop at casey’s to get cigarettes for my mom. J decided that he wanted to come with and was irritated that i had to go to the gas station first before therapy and kept asking why we couldn’t go after. Later that day my sister had an appointment so my mom and I took her. I was rushing out the door and I didn’t have my keys so i totally forgot to lock the door. This isn’t a normal thing usually i’m strict when it comes to locking our doors. He sent me a text saying that he couldn’t believe that we walked out the door without locking the door, and then said that we drive him insane. We argued some more and then it came out that he was upset that we didn’t spend much quality time together anymore, and brought up the fact that i couldn’t afford school supplies for my sister, and so i asked him to buy her a backpack which was 60$. He also stated that we would fall apart without him and that this isn’t a relationship he just lives with a bunch of assholes.

I unfortunately wasn’t able to give the conversation my all as my mom was literally throwing up while he was texting me, and when we went to the ER that night is when we found the mass. Like I said since then I have had to pick up all the work. Saturday was our cleaning day and I had to stop watching a show with him since i had to go back to cleaning. Then he asked me to go to the gas station with him and when I said no he then said I never spend time with him. Today while I was doing the dishes this morning he walked into the kitchen which spooked me as I didn’t hear him and that upset him, saying that he wasn’t going to wear a bell. We then didn’t speak all day. I am at my wits end with the silent treatment and the snapping and I don’t know what to do. It’s been causing extra stress and anxiety on to me and it’s also been upsetting my mother and sister as they see all this happening.

I love him a lot we click so well and i’ve been torn even thinking about what to do to resolve this. I feel like I cant handle all of the stress, and I’m not sure what I should do moving forward. I feel like the world is on my shoulders and honestly i’m so tired. Did I mess up? If I did i’ll take full responsibility for it but I don’t know how we can move past this. I am so so tired. He’s my favorite person in this world, I wanted to marry him and we wanted to get cats when we moved out and i just don’t know what to do. I don’t know what I‘ll do without him but I have so much going on right now.

TLDR; I’m almost burnt out taking care of my family and my boyfriend and I are having issues. Please give me advice on what to do