I'm trying to get a handle on what exactly this lady friend of mine is telling me with her behavior. We were dating up until a couple weeks ago, but she wanted to break up. However, the very next day she said she felt that we could get together again, but wasn't sure about her feelings (or if it felt right.) We both have admitted to each other that there are still mutual feelings of love/attraction.

She and I have been hanging out one on one frequently recently, which I didn't honestly expect. She's been the initiator for almost all of the times we've seen each other within the last week, so it's not like I'm putting her on the spot to hang out with me. This was a big positive because It seemed like she was telling me "I'm comfortable having some kind of relationship with you, be it friendly or more"

When we've been hanging out however some of her behavior has been very comfortable/flirty, and at some times it's very distancing. These two behaviors can happen right in sequence with each other. At one moment she'll ask to snuggle, and the next she'll almost jump away to sit on the opposite side of the couch. I'll gently put my hand on her shoulder/arm, and sometimes she'll embrace it but other times she won't respond in the slightest. It's a little frustrating because I don't want her to feel like I'm trying to invade her personal space. I'm trying to establish where the boundaries lie, but it's impossible when she's not reacting consistently to the same sort of actions from me. Socially the story is similar. Sometimes she's ecstatic to interact with me, and other times she seems apathetic.

I haven't brought it up to her specifically yet. That's still on the table, but before I take that step I want to try to figure out how to act on my own. Having such a discussion would solve this issue (probably) but also removes all the natural flow and energy from the relationship. I don't want to set up a static barrier that cannot be crossed, because If things start progressing down the road of more contact, more flirting etc. I don't want to have this barrier set up that we feel cannot be crossed unless we've given each other expressed permission to do so. Understand, i'm talking about light physical affection, physicality, and personal space, NOT sex or anything like that. I know how to keep myself in check, and I'm certainly no creeper. She's an honest person too. If she's uncomfortable I'll know it, and she'll say something.

My end goal in all this is to see where she's at in the relationship between us. I desire to have a dating relationship with this girl again because our breakup was over specific behaviors, and not general compatibility. If she wasn't responsive at all to me I'd be perfectly happy dropping it and becoming a male friend. But she is responding to me both socially and physically. but sometimes she isn't at all. Sometimes I feel totally engaged with her, and on the exact same level as her both physically and emotionally. But at other times I feel like she's more or less neutral to me.

I'm trying really hard not to push the envelop here. More than anything I don't want to make her uncomfortable with my behavior. How do I find where the boundaries lie if she isn't consistent with her reaction to me? What can I do differently to help figure out what behavior is acceptable or not? Thanks for reading all this, and I really appreciate any thoughts you might have ladyreddit.

*TL;DR FEMALE FRIEND IS ACTING INCONSISTENT IN REGARDS TO FLIRTING/PHYSICAL CONTACT. HOW DO I FIND THE BOUNDARIES IF THEY SEEM TO BE CHANGING FROM ONE MOMENT TO THE NEXT? HOW DO I PROCEED WITH THIS RELATIONSHIP WHEN SHE'S TREATING ME LIKE A BUDDY OR A FUTURE DATING PROSPECT AT DIFFERENT TIMES? *

*edit to remove part that could me misinterpreted badly.