We've been married for 10 years and together for about 15 years. No kids and few other demanding responsibilities beyond work. We do have sex several times a week, but only on her schedule. I'm rarely allowed to spontaneously act on my own hornyness. By the time she is ready to pencil me in I've often lost my hard on and feel rejected. And the only times I receive a blowjob are when she wants to buy something expensive or passify me before we visit her parents.

We've talked about this many times and it often turns into a fight where she accuses me of only wanting sex and me implying that I don't think she likes or prioritizes sex with me.

We do spend a lot of time together and enjoy most every other part of our relationship but the more I feel rejected the more I try again to feel reassured and ultimately satisfied but with disappointing results.