In short, how do I overcome the fear of my first time having sex or BDSM play, the "what if," the uncertainty of it?

I have been playing and fantasizing about being dominated by mistresses and eating the human sauce for two years now, and I often do as much as I can online via text through sites or apps to live out these fantasies, but I'm a virgin and I want to take the next step. Meet with someone in person to truly make my fantasies come to life.

I've watched so many videos and done so much research on things like glory holes, hotel hookups, grinder, reddit even. When I'm super aroused, once before I even made a post in a different subreddit but I got so aroused that I came back around and I haven't been that aroused again

But even if I did get there again, I have no idea how to make sure I'm safe. If we exchange social media to vet each other out before hand, couldn't they message and text people from my friends list embarrassing photos? Couldn't they use certain pages on the Internet to find my place of residence or relatives?

I'm just paranoid but I'm at a point where I really want to explore these fantasies but I have no idea where to start. This post is pretty unhinged, even for this reddit, but any help would be massive