I'm old enough, with enough experience to know that what I tend to sexually fantasize about when I pleasure myself is not what I actually want to experience IRL. It doesn't align very much with the type of person I tend to be romantically attracted to either.

This creates a certain amount of dissonance/confusion in me when I try to be honest with myself about what I really want in a partner. I'm 38 and still don't seem to fully understand my sexuality. Which frustrates me. I also feel guilty because it's hard to picture being sexually compatible with someone as well as romantically compatible, because those two areas are so different for me.