I'll start:

Before I jack off, I'll imagine my dick saying, "What are we doing tonight Brain". I say "the same thing we do every night pinky"

When my partner is clearly enjoying herself, "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?"

If she is blowing me "Welcome to the Salty Spitoon, how tough are ya?"

When getting out the lube, "it's a surprise tool that'll help us later"

When we're done fucking, "goodbye everyone, I'll remember you all in therapy"

If I remember in the moment, "Dude, we're falling out of the sky, we gotta DROP THE LOAD"

And the absolutely classic, if she says "I'm cumming" there's a 50% chance I'll say "Hello Cumming, I'm dad"

Fellas, you have to understand that if she is in the bedroom with you, consenting to be fucked, you have a captive audience for your comedy routine. If she gets irritated by a joke, lick her clit, she'll forget