Just food for thought. I know how this sounds to some of you.

Background is that we used to struggle with our sex life in part because I never felt sure that my wife was interested, which are my own insecurities at work. This resulted in her feeling uncertain that she was doing the 'right' thing when I would try to initiate but, for perfectly good reason, she was not interested at that time. And then when we would have sex one of both of us would often feel uncertain that the other really wanted to do so. (Insecurity is a beast sometimes)

So, and it's been some years now, we set up a scheduled sex time every week. And it really changed our interaction. The idea that we knew it was going to happen at such and such a time on such and such a day was itself very exciting for us. Our sex life was transformed. I no longer was uncertain as she was always ready when the time came. And she became much more relaxed as she felt the pressure to acquiesce was no longer there. Now, and for the last few years, our sex life is great and getting greater. Conversations about "what are we going to do this time" and "wow I'm really looking forward to.." are our normal.

Now, of course, we don't always stick to the schedule for lots of reasons, but we do about 80-90% of the time. And we do have sex whenever we want otherwise. However, if you and your partner are struggling trying to really be relaxed about your sex life, I encourage you to try this approach.

Cheers