How can I be more respectful to my mom again?

Since the pandemic, I’ve been struggling to speak respectfully to my mom. She has a high-pitched, shrill voice that irritates me, and her temper feels overwhelming, like a wave that hits me. She yells suddenly, criticizes constantly, and often makes insensitive, obtuse, and dismissive remarks about me and my severe depression. I find her exhausting, stressful, and lacking empathy or understanding.

She never admits her mistakes, refuses to reflect on whether she’s wrong, and assumes she’s always right, making me feel crazy for disagreeing. She rarely apologizes, retracts what she says, or supports me in conflicts, often defending others without knowing the full story. All this has built up a lot of resentment, bitterness, and anger toward her.

I know I’m also at fault—I’ve become irritable, rude, and prone to yelling when I’m frustrated or overwhelmed. I struggle to control my tone and be respectful, and when I fail, I feel worse about myself, repeating the cycle. How can I break free from this dynamic and be better toward her?