I haven't told my psychiatrist about this and I'm very, very reluctant to do so... I really, REALLY need help and some insight...

TL:DR For the past 4 years I keep experiencing delusions about the world ending, time loops, being stuck in another world (underworld/limbo), my body and organs rotting and decaying, and intense paranoias about people conspiring to hurt me all the time etc. It got to the point where it's seriously affecting my everyday life, not to mention the distress it causes. These episodes seem to be triggered almost solely by the worsening of my depressive mood and I don't know what it is or what to think of it.

I've been diagnosed with severe depression (treatment-resistant) for over 8 years alongside ADHD inattentive type (also undiagnosed generalized and social anxiety) and suspected Asperger's syndrome and in the past some schizo diagnosis. I don't remember what it was exactly, I was 11 (believe it or not) but the diagnosis "disappeared" when I changed my psychiatrist.

Around 4 years ago, I began experiencing something I would describe as some "pseudopsychoses" for the lack of the better word.

When I got depressed enough, I would go into a really weird state where I believed that the time had stopped and for example, when I was walking on the street and didn't see any people around, I'd take it as a proof that everyone died on this planet and stuff like that. I was completely out of it, I wasn't even able to think and producing thoughts. I'd also get episodes about either that the world and the entire universe ended, that an apocalypse was happening and no one but myself knew that and everyone was blind to it and that I'm stuck in a limbo, completely disconnected from the outside world and space-time, that I'm in some other world stuck in an infinite loop and that this moment will never end and I'm immortal and I'll suffer like this eternally. It's completely illogical and no matter what I did, I couldn't snap out of it. These episodes usually lasted for hours and it made me incapable of doing anything, I'd be completely devoid of any feeling, emotional, I was as apathetic and anhedonic as you possibly can get. All I feel is an overwhelming sense of impending doom. 1-2 years later I developed new delusion where I believed my body and internal organs were rotting, decomposing and not working at all. Paradoxically, quetiapine (atypical antipsychotic) triggered the latest delusions and made them even worse and daily. It seems like these delusions are solely triggered my by depression. Sometimes I'd also go into something similar to catatonia where I wouldn't move a muscle for long periods of times, I wasn't able to think at all, my mind completely blank but my eyes wide open and scared. Now, for the past 2 years I think, I began experiencing paranoia that accelerated rapidly over time. At first I believed it's anxiety but lately, as it got really severe, I'm convinced it's not JUST anxiety as this paranoia occurs independently of my anxiousness (I'm very paranoid even when I'm not particularly anxious or worried/stressed even though I'm anxious and scared basically nonstop to an extent). I'm always on edge, 100% convinced people are talking about me behind my back and plotting to hurt me, that everything a person says or does is a deliberate act to try to hurt my in some way. I also believe that people can see and hear me all the time (for example, I live alone in my apartment and I'm terrified of making ANY sound all the time because I'm afraid my neighbors will hear me and hurt me. I avoid my neighbors as much as I can because I know they'll use it against me). It got to the point where I won't even answer the door at any cost because every time I know it's the police and they're about to arrest me and take me with them, that they know something I don't know... Even at school, my body is completely rigid all the time as I know I'm being watched and I know everyone thinks horrible things about me and they're only waiting for me to do something weird, that they're talking and thinking about me really bad things all the time. Wheneve someone tries to speak to me, I'm immediately panicking (I'm not over exaggerating) that I did something bad and they're about to do harm me somehow and that something terrible happened...

I don't know what to make of it. For the past few months I haven't experienced delusions I think, just this extreme paranoia and it's ruining my life so much I can't even describe it, it's affecting every waking moment for such a long time...

Maybe it's irrelevant, but I've been experiencing a large number of traumatic experiences in the past since I was little (not gonna delve into details because this post is already way too long) and my psychiatrist, who's been with me for 6-7 years throughout all of that told me multiple times that my brain has been damaged from everything that had happened to me up to now (and that's supposedly why literally no treatment, including ketamine therapies don't work at all because "there're no pills that can work on such damage"). So, maybe, these terrifying episodes (they truly terrify me) may actually be some sort of trauma response, but it's just weird to me that I get THAT disconnected from reality, it's not like depersonalization, derealization or dissociation overall in my opinion as I don't even experience any flashbacks when these episodes occur (I do get random flashbacks, sometimes multiple times a day but there are times when I don't even notice them. They usually trigger a very weak sense of impending doom, emptiness and a very brief episode of the upper mentioned episodes, but again, it's very weak).

I'd like to hear your thoughts and thank you for replies in advance.