14 male, 165cm 59kg mood swings between desperately wanting to kill myself and generally being very sad (and other self destructive behavior) and punching walls, throwing things destroying things and generally being angry. occasionally get hit with extreme anxiety or panic (while still feeling self destructive feelings, but lighter. rarely paranoia (thinking i heard something and then there isnt something, movement in peripheral vision very rarely), little eating 0-1500 calories a day stressful environment (no physical abuse, except rarely self harm) tried to strangle myself all of a sudden very randomly with a dish towel, almost worked dont really know why it was like an out of body experience. urban environment (ive heard that it could be important in some mental diseases) i start doing things for no reason and put down hunderds of post it notes with gibberish or just random scratches on them. genetically, my fathers side family has a lot of people who are autistic and my mother might have some kind of underlying mental disease. if this is enough to warrant a genuine psychiatrists visit how do i get one without anyone else knowing, preferably text only?

edit: whispering but i can’t make out what they’re saying and i feel like i hear screaming but i don’t actually hear the screaming