So for some time ive noticed a certain pattern in my thinking...When life seems to be going good and I'm making positive plans my mental health gets worse...negative self talk,images,thoughts,feelings all get worse and ive often wondered is it because ive got such low self esteem and worth (not in a self pitying way)its much more safer to think in a negative way than a positive way because its familiar territory and it kind of reflects my low self opinion of myself. And a positive outlook is unfamiliar and therefore unsafe....its unpleasant to be negative but familiar..a bit of a fucked up trade off in a way....all occurring subconsciously...am I onto something??