I‘m suffering depression and social anxiety (main course of my depression) since I was 15 (diagnosed), but tbh the symptoms were present since I was born.

I tried over 15 meds prescribed by professionals (SSRI, SNRI, tetracyclic, tricyclic, wellbutrin and other atypicals, even 2 antipsychotics, 2 benzos etc.). I also tried 3 talk therapies (2 analytical 1 CBT) as well as hypnosis. I tried so damn many supplements or nootropics. Nothing has helped. I really have to get back alive and a life again. I don‘t want it to end. But like this I slowly die, my mental health gets worse, my physical due to it, too (not eating, drinking, moving, going out, seeing people).

In times when I don‘t have no obligations like a job or seminars at university for some time that drag me out of my house I really vegetate in my bed and socially isolate myself - depression & anxiety is so extreme then, it’s no joke when I say it feels as if I would be chained to the bed and physically restricted. I don‘t eat, drink enough, get no movement, don’t get outside, fresh air or see people in those times. I really just vegetate from one day into another, lonely in my bed. Right now it is one of those times - bound to bed like a wrack for almost 2 weeks again.

Even if I‘ve been pretty treatment-resistant so far my doc is sure my issues definitely have a biochemical source and we must find something (a missing chemical) that will finally reduce my symptoms and make life livable. I mean there‘s just not a lot still to try anymore.

Maybe MAOIs (but many restrictions as diet, BP…) Maybe ADHD meds (I know Ritalin helped me tons when my cousin gave it to me to try but docs never wanted to test me on ADD before they didn‘t treat my depression & anxiety, quite some nonsense). Maybe other benzos (I only tried diazepam & lorazepam, maybe these just were the wrong pick?). Maybe psychedelics (but I can’t tell I’m ever in the right state of mind to be sure to get a safe good and no bad trip - I mean, I already get bad anxiety and panic from weed/THC). Maybe Ketamine therapy or rTMS etc?

What substance (may it be a prescription drug, illicit, supplement, nootropic, herb, RC or whatever) decreased your anxiety and shyness and improved your mood, energy and drive to get out and socialize, your sociability and talkativeness?

I finally want a normal life! I finally have to be able to live and have a normal life because soon my Master‘s degree ends and then I have to get back to work again, also finally want to find a love, create new friendships and family.

I would really be so thankful for any help or suggestions!