dx: delusional disorder, depression w/ major episodes, SUD (amphetamines)

I went to the hospital for SI (very bad depressive episode) related to SUD two days ago. While there, waiting, I lost control of myself and took 95mg of expired adderall hoping it would kill me. But it was a dud and all it did was make me violently ill (still feeling sick and its been two days). I told a nurse what I did two hours later as I was hit with sudden extreme anxiety and began to taste blood. I was then formed / detained as a patient, and after being hooked up to things for some hours taken to the psych cells.

I did not tell the resident or supervising psychiatrist that the reason I took the adderall was in hopes it would kill me, despite them both asking. Not only do I struggle with intense suspiciousness and secretiveness due to the delusional disorder, but I also panicked and didn't want to even admit it to myself. I only said I didn't know what it would do to me and didn't care. But I did tell the resident I had a bottle of opioids at home that I was thinking of taking, considering the stimulants did not do much. The plan with the resident was to admit me to a short stay unit. However, his supervisor came in later and didn't mention this at all, and he was hoping I would be discharged the next morning.

There was then a miscommunication with a different resident who came to see me in the morning, where the resident had been told by the supervisor that I myself wanted to go home in the morning, even though I never said that. Due to my delusional disorder, this made me very suspicious and I was convinced some conspiracy to discharge me was occurring for bad reasons, so I panicked and agreed with the statement made and was thus discharged.

Immediately when I got home I began to think about the opioids, but the depression wasn't too bad. But this morning, it's terrible and I'm downing my dexedrine prescription in hopes it'll make me feel better or just kill me or at least harm me enough so I'd have a good enough reason to seek help - but I haven't taken enough yet.

Is it okay if I go back to the ER to try to be admitted despite just being there? I didn't realize in the moment that I was essentially experiencing paranoia that impacted my ability to be honest. I also now realize my lack of openness after the fact likely made it look like I just took the adderall impulsively and due to emotional liability at best, or as an attention grab at worst - when that wasn't the case. They probably diagnosed me with BPD cause of that. I'm really kicking myself. But I also think if I go back I'll be overtaken by my suspiciousness once more and start to downplay everything. Is my situation even ER worthy?