So I (18f) have been diagnosed with MDD, GAD, trichotillomania, BPD, and possibly ADHD. Lately, I have been hearing sounds in my room and when I cannot figure out where they are coming from, my mind goes to bugs. It makes logical sense. I am also very afraid of bugs, and spending a total of 10 months in two wilderness programs didn't help the matter. A month or so ago, I found a cockroach in my room and it took me like half an hour to get near it, let alone kill it. Like, my anxiety didn't allow my body to go near it, if that makes sense. A couple of days ago, I went into the bathroom, and I saw the head of a big black beetle. Like the regular ones. It was under my scale, and when I moved the scale, the bug moved, but I still didn't see the full body. When I got a cup and a piece of paper to trap it and hurl it off my balcony, I couldn't find it and still can't, and I'm constantly anxious about it.

Basically, I'm worried that I hallucinated it. I have the "classic BPD hallucinations" of moving black dots or fruit flies flying around, but nothing like this. My family has everything else but anything on the psychosis spectrum. I'm extra worried because this was not just a little bug, it was pretty big, and if my mind made that up, especially considering that I am at the age where schizophrenia decides to present, I don't know what I'd do. I've been in residentials and have been on the meds and I am very against anti-psychotics because of TD. I already have anxiety tics. And I'm bad at taking meds every night. I know that one can hallucinate due to fear, but that its usually in a high-stress situation, and I haven't been in those situations lately - just really annoying kids that I tutor using "it's a Monday" as an excuse for doing the opposite of the clear instructions I gave. I also know that people with BPD don't often have a psychosis-related co-morbid disorder besides the short-term. Sorry this is so jumbled, but is this something that I should be worried about? TIA

Also, please tell it to me straight. I'm a pre-med neuroscience major hoping to go into an md/phd program to be a psychiatrist and I research mental illnesses for fun. My knowledge base in psychosis-spectrum disorders is quite minimal as it has never been a big interest of mine compared to trauma disorders and depression.