We've been talking about trying for a third. It would be my partner's first biological child but he's raised my two as his own since they were 2 and 1. They are 6 and 5 now. He's the only dad they know and he's wonderful with them. With my oldest, I had been "not trying, not preventing" for years and never got pregnant so I actually didn't think I could. But I was happily surprised when I found out I was pregnant because I really wanted a baby. Then my second was a huge surprise because I had an IUD. So I've never actually TRIED tried to get pregnant. We've always said we'd be okay with a surprise baby. But the thought of actually trying purposely is terrifying for some reason! I'm on my period now but we tried last cycle because I have been wanting a third baby for years and we decided its a good time. Used ovulation tests and everything, which I've never used before. But after we did the deed I was freaking out! Like "oh my god what have we done?!" Now I'm trying to decide if now is actually a good time or if I'm just trying to convince myself it is because I want another baby so bad? We could either do it now or about 2 and a half years from now. I see pros and cons of both.

I'm hoping I can just brain dump everything here and you guys can help me decide, maybe give me a point of view I haven't considered. The first thing is we only have three bedrooms, so if I had a third, two of the kids would have to share a room at some point. I have a boy and a girl right now, so it would either be whichever kid is the same gender of the baby sharing a room with them, or the baby would have their own room and my two older kids would share a room. They have shared a room before when we only had two bedrooms and they actually prefer it, they've been complaining of being lonely now that they have their own rooms. But I don't know what age it becomes frowned upon or weird to have siblings of the opposite sex sharing a room. In about 2-3 years, we should be able to buy a bigger house and all the kids could have their own room, so at the absolute oldest if my kids were to share a room they'd be 9 and 8. Not teenagers or anything. Or, I could hold off on trying for a few more years until we have a bigger house.

The second thing is, if we had a baby now rather than later, I'd get a longer maternity leave because I'm currently in college. If we time things right, it would be born while I only have 1-2 classes per week and the rest of the time I'd get to spend with the baby, and I wouldn't have to put them in daycare until they're 4 months old. (That's if I were to get pregnant this cycle.) If I wait until after I finish college and start my job, I'd probably only get the typical 6-8 weeks off, probably unpaid, and then have to put them in daycare. I like the idea of getting more time to spend with them during the infant stage and not having to expose them to daycare as quickly. If I had it my way, I'd be a stay at home mom, but that's just not possible for a lot of people in this economy so I'm in college so that I can get a good paying job.

Adding to that part, though, if we wait until after college I'd have a better job and more money. We make enough to survive now, but we don't have extravagant or fancy things. Its pretty much paycheck to paycheck. In January I'll get my student loans which will give us some extra. I'm still super worried about money though and I can't really pinpoint why, because I know we'd be able to afford the big ticket baby items like the crib and all that stuff, I just keep feeling like maybe there's some big expense I'm not considering.

We're not old, but we're getting older. My partner is 30 and I'm 29. I feel like all I see is things like "sperm quality declines after age 30, getting pregnant in your 30's is harder" everywhere. If we waited until after college we'd be closer to 32 and 33. I'm also considering my current kids' age. They're 6 and 5 and they're best friends, if I wait too long to have another baby I fear they'd have nothing in common and not be as close and not be interested in playing with them and spending time with them. Like if I waited until my kids are 8 and 9 to have another baby, the baby would just be left out most of the time? My kids, especially my daughter, have expressed wanting a younger sibling for a while now. My sister and I are 6 years apart, so already further apart than what my oldest and a new baby would be, and I wasn't close with her growing up and wasn't really interested in her, and I fear the older my kids get, the more it would be like that. But I also had parents who made it clear they favored my sister over me, I would never do that to my kids, and I think that had something to do with why I didn't want much to do with her.

If I do try, it will only be for a few cycles. If it doesn't work I'm waiting until after college. If I have the baby when I only have class 1-2 days a week I'll get more time to spend with them. But if they'd be born any later than June of next year, I'd get the same amount of maternity leave regardless. In August of next year, I'll be doing classes 5 days a week and I won't be able to miss any of it, so I would get no maternity leave at all and I'd have to get a babysitter or daycare immediately after birth, and I'm not doing that. I hope all of this makes sense and I know I'm all over the place. But it felt good to get everything out somewhere. Seeing it all written down, I think we should try now. If it happens, great, if it doesn't happen in a few months, I'll just wait a few more years. Let me know what you think. Thanks for reading, if anyone actually read all this lol.