I posted something here about me dating someone and right now I have a feeling na di nanaman ito tatagal. He actually pointed out to me na just because we are dating doesn't mean na talo na kami like locked na as in match made in heaven kami which is fine by me cause I also need more time to get to know him and get to know what I need in a relationship if magiging kami. Of course we don't just jump in to relationship agad nakapag 3 dates pa lang kami and we started talking sa tinder noong 8 of September (since October 8 ngayon so 1 month na kami nag uusap).

Right now ngayon lang ako nag chat sa kaniya like as in this 6pm kasi I was busy working on my personal stuff since it's sunday and out of town siya and I assume na hangover pa siya sa inuman nila (like ngayon ko lang siya na chat para kamustahin siya). I have this thing na gusto kong baguhin sa sarili ko na I don't want to make the first move kasi it feels like ako lang ang nag eefort gusto ko equal kami gumagawa ng first move, by first move I mean na ako yung unang mag chachat everyday tapus kung magiging busy kami ako ulet ang mag sstart ng conversation kasi ganun yung na experience ko dati sa past relationship ko. It sounds petty and I know na dapat ko yun baguhin sa sarili ko dahil my kadate is not the same as the person I used to be with and I should know and understand na meron din silang time para sa sarili nila.

Everyday I go to work I chat with him para kamustahin siya, hes not an early bird when it comes to waking up cause nagigising siya mga 2pm na kasi work niya will start at 10pm, but whenever he wakes up he'll just either go back to sleep or would eat breakfast, then doon na kami mag chachat... unless he has friends visiting over or busy sa video games. Whenever he tells me na may friends siya sa house niya and/or hes playing games with his friends I would just respect his time by saying "have fun" and be busy with work. I have no problems naman if he has those things its just that its frequent and bilang nalang yung mga chats namin.

I did once open up about my trauma and how it keeps on coming back to me and causes mental breakdowns, so he gave me advice and told me na I should take it take things slow in our current situation which I am highly aware kasi nga I want to take this relationship as slow and steady. So yuhh right now I am assuming na me spilling out shitty word vomit is the reason why this date is not going to last long. Am I being selfish and delusional for asking for more attention sa guy na kakilala ko for a month or do I deserve more talk to him about this???

Edit: I keep on chatting him and now ngayon lang siya nakapag reply and sabi niya na nasa biyahe pa siya pa uwi and 3hrs na daw silang nasa road. I feel awful as fuck for spamming him kasi he's tired as heck sa biyahe and ito ako naghahangad for his attention, gosh I feel so stupid. I just told him na mag pahinga nalang muna right after naka uwi na siya.

Edit 2: I posted this sa r/offmychestph and they deleted it kasi daw I was "asking for a relationship advice" and they recommend me here like the fuckkk majority ng pinagsasabi ko dito puro kwento lang and I'm not asking for advice. Oh well might as well post this here kasi yun yung sabi ng mod doon haynako...