Please truthfully answer this question

I’m going to be honest and say, I’m considering learning magick as a way out. My life and mental health has been falling apart for years and has gotten worse this year. I’m 25F, I feel completely lost and hardly have the will to live anymore. One of the reasons I still fight is because I know there’s more to life, I refuse to accept my life is just meant for suffering. I refuse to believe my soul shouldn’t search for its joy. Basically speaking, I want to take a peak and dive into the spirit world, see beyond the veil of what’s “natural” try things, see and feel unexplainable things, dive into the quantum realm, get into metaphysics, understand how to truly connect with the universe, speak with my spirit guides etc. I’m wondering if this will truly help me find myself and experience more than typical life has to offer.

No, I haven’t done heavy research yet, because I easily get my hopes up just to be let down. This is literally my last hope of striving for something.

I’m not really sure where to begin, but I am on page 1(lol) of the Golden Dawn