I’m a woman in my late 30s. I’ve been in 2 relationships as an adult (with men). Both were long term relationships (7 years and 5 years) and both ended in large part bc our sex life sucked. What I mean by that is that what I considered a fulfilling sex life my partners thought was too much. I wanted to have sex maybe a couple times a week and they wanted it less frequently.

With ex #1 the sex like was pretty good for the first year or so and then died after that. With ex #2 it was really not great from the start but I had a lot of hope that we could work things out.

With ex #1 I never really got an answer about why the sex died. I know we had some not great relationship dynamics outside the bedroom. He is married now and has a good sex life (I am friends with his wife and though she doesn’t share details I know her well enough to know she would not have married someone without a good sex life).

With ex #2 I think he has some sexual trauma in his past, probably issues with testosterone, and maybe some porn addiction.

I’m worried I’m the problem. That I’m just not good in bed long term. Maybe I get boring? Or…I don’t know? It just seems that no one is interested in me sexually long term. And I don’t know how to fix that.

I’ve had hookups and things during times I was single and no one has complained…but guys don’t usually complain about sex at least not the first time or so. So maybe it’s something about sex with me in long term relationships?

So I guess my question is “did I just get u lucky with a couple guys who were not so into me? Or did I do something wrong to cause our sex life to fall flat? And how do I avoid that in the future?”