My fiance (19M) and I (20F) have been at odds lately. There is so much to explain and unpack here so forgive me for the long post. I am also going to warn you that The tone of this post isn't a happy one, and I will be discussing problems beyond the title.

So first allow me to explain why we are engaged so young. He is going into the military And we went to get married before he goes off to basic training. But we have been together for 6 years and feel confident in the strength of our relationship despite the struggles that we have.

Well this is the f fucked up parts start.

When I was 15, I decided that I was going to explore more of my options because I was unhappy with how he was treating me every time I worded to him that I wasn't happy or tried to communicate any of my feelings, he would shut them down for being childish because he didn't understand them. And while yes I might have been childish in certain regards because I was a child, It was more so I wanted him to hear me and see me and see that I was struggling in that situation rather than find a way to shut it down and ignore it. I know that this was something that I shouldn't have done in the slightest. I regret it with every fiber of my being. I felt like a horrible person the entire time. That's why I ultimately told him myself what happened (I told him essentially immediately after if happened). This was where he started to confess to me that he wanted me to do that. I allowed this endvor to go on for 3 months balancing both a relationship with my now fiance and this man, for the sake of story telling I'll call him Steve. I ended up feeling more enamored with Steve than my fiance and started thinking that I might want to be with Steve instead fully. This only seemed to turn him on more while it was making me uncomfortable, I didn't want to leave him because I loved him so much so dispute the budding feeling for Steve I cut off the experience with him. My now fiance has been trying to get me to find strangers willing to pick him every since then. I myself have sexual trauma and have a hard time opening my body up like that to people I don't know or trust. I continue to tell him that I'm not willing to do these things for him because of this and I don't want to continue entertaining the idea, I love him and only him. Now he agreed to this and we've been just fine ever since or so I thought. Recently he's started bringing it back up and started to be more...demanding. he's starting to treat me like absolute shit, ignoring my emotional and physical needs he refuses to touch me at all he won't tell me he loves me anymore he's been cold and distant anytime I talk about my needs or emotional feelings he dismisses them for being childish and not conforming to logic but the actions he's taking in the relationship are completely saying otherwise. It seems like he's starting to pull away and wanting to end the relationship between us because I am not able to give him this desire of his. I really don't want that to be the case I've loved him for so long I'm comfortable with him but everyone around me has told me he's unhealthy and abusive but I just can't see that. He's not a bad guy I think he may just be trying to give me a taste of what if feels not having needs met. I don't want to leave him but he's been expressing that if something doesn't change then we are going to end things. I've tried asking him what he needs to change but all he says is "its something we have to talk about". I have really bad anxiety so anytime we bring these things up I'm ussly in the bathroom getting sick between trying to talk. It's something he's tired of dealing with so he puts things off the talk about for a time on which I'm not working for 2 days to discuss multiple issues he has in the relationship, it's become some sort of routine whereas I've gotten tired trying to communicate my issues I've just stayed silent, when I do bring up issues they become a bigger problem. I don't want to leave him and I want to work throught these things but he's making it next to impossible and I don't know how to get through to him anymore.

dose anyone have any insight into this situation? is he done with our relationship? Is he pushing me away? What should I do? I don't want to end things but it seems like he's wanting that when he won't change for me and expects me to do everything myself. I really just don't know what to do

Thanks for any advice into the situation in advance. I'm so tired of this and I want my sweet boy back.