I'm beside myself. My ex and I had a very tumultuous relationship. I got pregnant pretty quickly after we started dating and after I had my son things spiraled quickly. He was CONSTANTLY jealous for no reason, and swears that I was cheating on him. He says he saw messages on my phone that indicated cheating, but I never once entertained any romantic encounters from anyone else. I have substance use disorder and after suffering from PPD and the constant accusations of infidelity, I had a relapse. It was very bad all around. I completely checked out of the relationship because I was so depressed, and lying constantly about my drug use was taking it's toll on me. I could see that I was hurting him, and ruining the relationship (not that he didn't do his share of crappy things to me) but I just couldn't pull myself out of it.

He got physical with me, and threatened to kill me. Maybe it was an empty threat, but I took him at his word. I went to the police. Things steamrolled from there. He has physical custody of my baby until I get some clean time under my belt.

Recently we had started trying to put all that behind us and be on more friendly terms. I'm still very strongly attracted to him despite everything and he indulged my advances through text. I well and truly loved this man, and thought maybe if we could build a healthy friendship that if it was meant to be, it would be. He made plans with me for a sexual encounter, and I accepted.

He made me aware of his "friend" that he was going to a movie with on Friday. I was devastated. I knew what "friend" meant and it literally tore my heart out. I asked him if he was going to have sex with her. He said probably.

That was Sunday. Fast forward to today, we've been having a great conversation. Getting to know one another again. I was looking forward to Saturday, but the fact that he was going to have sex with this new woman on Friday, and then have sex with me on Saturday was something my heart couldn't take. I told him if he still planned on keeping his Friday night date that I was calling off Saturday. I gave my reasons. I even said that maybe a couple of months down the road we could revisit it, once I've had a chance to accept and process our new dynamic, and that he was actively engaging in sex with other people.

He started arguing with me. Told me I was denying him AGAIN after everything we'd been through. It was just sex to him, both with me and with this other woman. I told him I didn't operate like that. For the most part, sex isn't just casual for me. Not that I haven't had casual sex, it's just not something I do or care to do.

Through the argument he reveals that not only has he already been fucking this other woman, but that he started talking to her when we were still together, 2 months ago.Apparently he didn't see it that way because he'd already left once. He failed to communicate clearly to me that the relationship was over. Apparently that was my fault. When we tried to work it out he says he stopped talking to her. I left the house on August 5th. He started dating her August 10th. And without communicating with me about it at all, took my son around this woman.

To say I'm destroyed is an understatement. I did nothing but cry all day. First he said he wanted to see me. I refused. I am so undone by this. Then he started gaslighting me. Telling me that this wasn't his fault. This was mine. In a way he's not wrong. When I was depressed and using I wasn't the partner he deserved. I couldn't be. But I have apologized over and over. He never misses a chance to remind me of my mistakes. That I had him and lost him. He's not faultless in the demise of our relationship. I was completely unhinged. I have never felt a pain like this.

I feel betrayed. Our entire relationship he constantly accused me of cheating. He said mean, hurtful things when I was at my lowest. I absolutely admitted to lying about the drug use and having to hide it. I had tried telling him about the relapse. He called me a junkie whore and justified it because he was hurt. I didn't feel like I could be honest about what I was going through because of how he reacted previously. I'm told that didn't matter. I never cheated on him. I had male friends who I would talk to and he would go ballistic. I couldn't be on my phone because he was constantly accusing me of talking to other dudes behind his back. He made comments about stains on the mattress and dirty underwear. I was constantly having to defend myself against these false accusations. He had sex with her in the bed we shared as a couple. I'm lost. Devastated. Completely and utterly heartbroken.

And I don't know what to do. Am I justified in my feelings? Why won't he just admit that he was wrong too? I feel like he made me believe that we were at least going to rekindle a physical relationship, with the possibility of trying a romantic relationship in the future. Only for me to find out he's been fucking this woman and not being honest with me about it.