I’ve been seeing a woman for a couple of years, long story short, she’s married - it’s abusive and heading for divorce, and I’m a widow. We knew each other from years ago but reconnected when I became widowed. There’s always been some weird chemistry between us, like a shouldering fuk fest that never really happens.

Anyway, I’ve never pressured her to end her marriage for me but I have made it clear that I want her and want to be with her because she makes me happy. I’m good to her, I support her, I make her feel safe and I value her a lot. I’ve started to really struggle mentally with things more recently and the latest conversation about the situation is much the same as before, but to summarize some new key take away points that were raised; she wants me to be happy, if I’m not getting what I want/need from her she wouldn’t stop me from finding someone else (I asked her how she would feel about that because I’m feeling lonely), she said wouldn’t be happy if I met someone else but would accept it, even if there was distance between us or we stopped talking or any decision I made about it wouldn’t change how she feels about me because she wants me to be happy and has me in her heart.

It doesn’t seem to matter whether I’m physically there or not because she says she will be happy regardless if she perceives whatever I do as making me happy. Isn’t it contradictory to say she wants me to be happy yet won’t try to give me what I want that will make me happy (which is her and is mostly centered on having more time and intimacy with her). I feel like I’m trapped in some weird female psychological maze where I know that every move I make and every outcome will be bad for me.

I’ve tried for some time to let her manage the situation, wait it out and not to pressure her, but it seems like she is hellbent on a path that inevitably will not make me happy and nothing I say or do will change it. Does this situation resonate with anyone else who can give some insight into what happened, and what I can or should do? Thx.