I have been with my domestic partner (cis-male) over half a decade now with one kid so far and for a long time I've been wondering what to do about my unhappiness with having to be the primary initiator of sex for the majority of our relationship ongoing.

For context, I have female body parts and we have great sex when we do have sex. We used to be almost daily when we were younger (Met when I was 19. I'm now 25, almost 26. He is now 29).

On his end, we know he has depression, his testosterone was in question before he even met me and we know having a baby tanks that, and his mood severely affects his libido.

However, when we got together years ago, we...

1. Got together for sex and BDSM. Never intended to have a relationship like this. Whoops.

2. Got together for sex and BDSM (!!), knowing he is more of a top and D-type and I'm more of a bottom and S-type.

In the past, it could be explained away as enjoying receiving sex because who doesn't like to have their ego stroked or to be given sex as opposed to having to take?

The problem is that we communicate A LOT. He knows what I like and I know what he likes. We aren't mismatched.

And yes, we are both not at the healthiest weight or eating. Our kid is almost 3, but she is special needs and that has put our relationship under immense stress.

I'm also someone with a VERY high libido.

So... all that to say, is it really that unattractive to have someone who likes to get on their knees just cuz they feel like it, text you things, etc.? Or is it just too hard to initiate sex?