Hey Reddit,

I'm going to ramble a bit here. I need advice. I'm truly at a crossroads and unsure where to go.

3 years ago(December 2019-June 2020) my wife was involved with another man. It got really serious and nearly destroyed us. He was someone I considered a friend.

He became a part of daily life for my wife ,kids and myself. He was "Uncle" to my kids. He went on family outings with them while I was working, took them to places for fun etc....

It took me many months to catch onto what they were up to. In the process there was a great deal of gaslighting going on, I was used to make him jealous when they were "fighting". This is such a small summary of all of it. It completely broke me.

Flash forward to now. I always get a little "Off" when March hits because that's when I started to suspect something was up. I immediately went into denial and ignored some pretty big signs.

The last couple years I was able to push through it but this year it's really hitting me. I'm coming to the realization that I've not been happy at all since and honestly feel like I might never be. I feel like whatever was there before 2020 is dead and gone. I feel nothing anymore.

We do have 3 kids(14,11,8). I love my wife but it's not the same love as before. I feel like this is it, I'm tired, I'm emotionally drained, numb and feeling hopeless.

I think I want out. We've been together 14 years... married for 10. We had our first child less than 1 year after we met. We were both young, I 20 and her 19.

She's been unfaithful many times over the years. Aside from regular people she's fooled around with, my brother was one of them and she tried to sleep with my cousin the week leading up to our wedding. Every time she talks about another man now, I immediately start having questions in my head if shes fooling around with him.

The apology i got from her at the time was "Sorry for all the stuff I put you through".

The reason I got she did it was because "She was lost and didn't know who she was anymore"

In the end she made me feel like it was mostly my fault for it happening.

I thought after marriage, it would be a clean slate to just be devoted to one another.

I'm grappling with all the variables of wanting out. This is obviously a tough world to make a go of right now, housing is expensive and hard to find. She will have nowhere to go besides back to her parents. That's Variable #1, I'm worried my kids will hate me for doing this to her.

I'm fortunate, the house is mine, it's owned by our family farm. I will be financially stable and fine. I know she will have a hard time with that.

Secondly, just the general worry of how it's going to affect my kids. Our 14 year old is going through some stuff and I don't want to make it worse.

I want to disrupt the kids lives as little as possible.

I'm also worried she will get combative and turn nasty which would make it that much harder. I am hopeful for a 50/50 split but realize she may not want that.

I feel guilty for giving up but I also feel guilty for keeping her in this marriage when it is dead. She also deserves to find a life that makes her happy.

I just don't know what to do . I don't think another 10 years of marriage is going to fix anything. We're both young M36 F34. Starting over is entirely feasible. It's just, all these years of accomplishments and life building..feels like for nothing.

I don't want to put her in a hard place where it's going to make it so she struggles. She's the mother of my children. I just don't think... I don't want to be unhappy anymore. I don't want to just shove it down and forget about it anymore. I'm so exhausted.

I'm lost.