Hi /r/askmen, first time poster.

I am (m) 22 years old and all my life I have had to sit to take a piss. This is something I've kept completely private and have told no one about until this very post. It is something that has been frequently debilitating for me throughout my years. I often have to wait to use a public stall when I need to go pee, and this has created many embarrassing moments for me. Personally, I feel like 'Less of a man' when I have to sit down. I don't know exactly how common knowledge this is but there exists a negative stigmatism for guys, where if they dont use a urinal to take a piss, then they are seen as femanine and/or less competent. For me, the anxiety I get from thinking about this only makes my issue worse.

Some of the issues this has caused for me include missing classes at University, declining outings and events in fear that I wouldn't be able to use the public restrooms without receiving ridicule, having to leave places early, waiting to go swimming whilst camping to be able to pee (no outhouses at my site), and generally taking time out of my life to go out of the way to find a place to sit. I consider myself only lucky that I've not received any bladder infections for holding my pee in for extended periods like I have before. I have realized that I need to try and train myself to be able to pee standing up as I am applying for a job where this would become an issue in several months time.

I have been trying to mentally relax the muscles I use when I pee sitting down whislt standing at my toilet. I try to visualize calm situations and sometimes I have actually managed to go while standing. The problem is, under any time pressure or whenever I am in a public setting, I cannot reproduce this result despite MANY attempts. Once my body decides I cannot go standing up, I cannot convince myself to go any more and will have to find some place to sit again...its so embarrassing and awkward and stupid and infuriating.

Is there any tips you guys might have for me that I can practice with? I have no problems sitting down and taking a piss in a public place (even with others in stalls next to me), so I don't get when standing has to be so damn hard.