I (27M) Just recently ended a long term relationship (30F), where it appears the writing was on the wall from the beginning. I put myself on the back burner for years and then finally made the decisions I put off for myself. I couldn’t move away from home town until she finished college that work was paying for. Upon meeting her, I only planned on staying for less than a year. Eventually we agreed to do distance for a year, I moved to new city, reconnected with college friends, way better job,lived alone, etc. However, I kept the relationship that was kind of burning me out due to sheer hope, optimism, and sunk cost (4 years).

I figured “ i’m happier now and can see my future, clearly so I can move my girl out here and she’ll level up too, and all will be fine..”. A year later, i’m stuck footing the bill, resentment overload, and basically inherited a dependent. I’m mad at myself because now the breakup was way more complicated than it needed to be and I could’ve just closed that door before it got this complicated.

It seems everything could be perfect if I just hold on, but part of the reason I left was because I couldn’t just be on pause while someone else sorts out their life. I took everything serious and it feels like she just felt comfortable moving her baggage for me to deal with. So it’s like I got the life I “wanted”, but it was cheaper and more or less the same when I spent that year alone, just hopeful. Has anyone had to walk away from a situation solely because they can’t stand to be wrong again?

Part of me feels like just relax and give it time, focus on yourself and the other part feels like “If you resign this lease again, and hop back on this hamster wheel, you’re an idiot and deserve whatever happens next”