Ive noticed that once 30s come, the dating mixes really open up.

Its a stark contrast to teen/20s where its most of girls chasing few top guys, and then avg guys being clueless.

Ive had a ltr with a girl who was a weirdo like me, and our ltr was fantastic, thing is she would have dated me back in the day as well. The relationship was easy and comfortable for both of us because my flaws were seen as cute or endearing, same vice versa.

When i dated a hot woman, who would have never dated me back in the day, i realized that initial months up to a year was fun due to differences and novelty. But later on, it was pretty much exhausting for me as dynamics made it so that im chasing her validation, and she was a lot more critical of my faults. That eventually lead to lesser intimacy and lesser relationship satisfaction.

I really think the relationship shines only if the woman is actively happy with man as a first choice. Men really dont require much.

Its like youll never get her fun loving and sexy side if youre not her first choice. Is that your experience?

Edit: Central point of this post is the concept of choice and being smart.

When the woman let her romance/attraction lead her in her 20s, she was choosing by impulse. At one point she decided to be smart and go “how i get treated is more important than who i have” - its self serving.

So now the guy in his 30s shows up and he is not being smart, he sees “omg shes attractive and amazing”, but its not reciprocal, the woman was gaming.

And this has become societally normalized.

The point im trying to make - what happens when us men go smart and self serving, do we get a more satisfying life? And we choose partners based on who will treat US well?