We did talk about it and are trying to get over it but it is not by any means resolved and back to roses. He said he used to do it a lot but with me he does it very infrequently like every couple months and that he is not only into that specific body type he searched that day, but he likes variety sometimes and picks whatever video seems attractive to him. I said I cannot get over the fact he is into other girls that look nothing like me and seeks sexual gratification watching those girls get fucked and fantasizing he is fucking them, and that I will never be all the variety he claims to crave once in a while, and I am not sure how we’ll get past this

No, I’m giving an example that differs from my BF’s body type to make my point

In my case we do live together and I have a really high (higher than him) sex drive and I’m extreme available to him, in fact, I initiate most of the times.

I’m not disrespecting anyone here and I appreciated all answers even if some hurt. I am not seeking validation to my dark views and of anything I hope they are wrong. Thanks

Yeah but super different girl in that porn that looks nothing like me, what does that tell you? There is only one way to read into that in my opinion and it’s that he likes that but cannot have it with me

So I have to “be happy” he doesn’t cheat on me in the real world but fantasizes it in porn? How is this okay and not damaging to a couple’s intimacy?

I reply back with my take and more questions sometimes, if I come off as argumentative is because I am trying to get deep into this topic, and make others see what I see, I don’t mean it as an asshole, it’s just how I write. I am very much absorbing a lot that has been said logically

He would read my body language and notice I’m upset and he would try to find a subtle way to look away and reassure me he loves ME, and not THAT, and while I would appreciate this attitude and empathy I would also deep down hate we both thought about it and feel hurt and like we can’t have a normal life now

I love my body and myself, this isn’t about insecurity but about him seeking sexual satisfaction in imagining fucking girls that are extremely different from his GF. What am I supposed to think?

It’s not about the porn itself but also about the girls on the porn he searched and how they look nothing like me

I know, it’s just difficult because what I found on that search porn that day was so different from who I am, it’s hard not to take that as a hit and as an insult to my person, and it just feels like he will always be dissatisfied sexually because I’m just not all that other variety he craves.

Not at all! I am extremely interested in sex, I initiate a TON (probably more than him) and we have sex every day, I make him cum multiple times in the same session sometimes, we mix it up with positions and such, I am fit, attractive, get told I look 18 even though I’m almost 30. I truly truly do so much sexually, I cannot stress this enough. Our sex is good. Just don’t see why he needs to (according to him “every other month” or whatever) seek other types of girls in porn

Are you kidding me? Why would I want to see him get off to girls that look nothing like me? That is exactly the problem and what hurts me, and sounds like torture. I’d never do that.

I don’t go jerk off looking at tall muscular guys with big cocks (which my BF is not) imagining I am fucking them, that is unfair to him, to us, and to building a happy fulfilling sex life together, it desensitizes us from reality and from each other and it is emotionally cheating. It says “it’s ok to imagine I fuck this guy and not my Bf because I am not actually doing it” “it’s ok to see my Bf as insufficient because I always have internet porn to fantasize I fuck other guys that look nothing like him”.

That is SO not the same thing, rom com, seriously? Let’s compare it to me looking up porn of tall, tanned, Mediterranean guys with big cocks, when he is white, not that tall, average size body and dick below average size. Hurts, right?

I didn’t say he doesn’t like me, but I hate he likes all those other things I cannot be. He said he prefers my body type if anything but that when he watches porn he likes to see something different. still doesn’t make anything better

But how would you feel if your GF looked up porn of tall Mediterranean men with huge cocks when you are an average size white blonde guy with below average dick? Hurts, uh?

I mean, it hurts me he watches porn in general, because it implies a unsatisfied sexual need even though he has me and we have great sex. But, seeing he looks at such different type of girls from me just hurts even more. So, yes, maybe it would hurt “less” if they were all girls with small breasts, for example, or all white, generally more like me, even if not exactly like me, you know? Now I will forever remember the likes those girls and it will affect our day to day. What if we go to a bar and the bartender is Indian with big tits? What if this appears in a Tv show? What if we meet new people and now we can’t be friends with them because of the girl looking like that and being too upsetting to me? These things have consequences

Because this has much deeper consequences than you realize in a relationship and intimacy, and I will now always know he likes big tit indian girls or black girls with big butts or blondes with big tits and lips. This means it will always be a reality and burden I have to accept and live with. It means it will affect our day to day lives. If we go out, or watch a show, or meet new people and those triggers appear, it will affect us. So yes, it’s a peoblem

Yeah the difference is even though he has a below average dick, not in the best shape, and not that tall, I don’t go around looking at guys fantasizing I’m fucking them, that to me is emotionally cheating. I focus on him and making our sex life all the sex life in my life, not porn, not scrolling through thirst traps and jerking off, get it?

I understand is in human nature and it would be irrational to think me/my body type is the ONLY thing he is ever going to be attracted to, but it just hurts so much he likes other women that are so hugely differs from me (black, Indian, blondes, big tits) it’s just so hard to process in my brain because I will never be those things he likes (even if he ALSO likes me)

Please, if a guy is watching porn he is imagining he is doing the fucking to that girl, that’s the whole point. Wtf

I mean, that’s your opinion, there is such thing as types in my opinion. For example, I don’t feel attracted to men of certain races, heights or facial features.