I (F30) believe I’m not straight, I can’t say if I’m gay or bi or anything but I believe I’m not straight for a whole host of reasons.

One reason I’ve sited for myself is that all of my most vivid dreams are sexual in nature and are with women, some I have know personally and ones that my mind made up. My latest one was just some random female that was going to give me oral but my grandma and mom basically beaver damned me. The one before that a coworker and she let me give her oral. The one before that I can’t fully remember but I know it was sexual relations with a female.

TW: some mention of SA and murder

-I have only had sex with a male in my dream once, and in that dream it was a pure nightmare, and I don’t mean that sarcastically. That one dream I had with a male was nothing short of a horror film, the male broke into my home, again in a dream, and my whole family was murdered and that male had me with a knife against me. He raped me in my dream, it was very vivid. In my dream, I recount that be raped me for at least an hour.

End TW

Anyway, as I said my dreams with women vary but they’ve been pleasant sexually or romantically.

But is that a product of me watching lesbian porn? Is that a product of me want oral from my current male sex partner? I don’t know, I have concluded that the dreams are telling me something but I don’t know if it’s “take it easy on the lesbian porn” or “you need to have sex with another woman before you explode and hire an escort or waste money trying to meet an adult model.”

And to add, before I forget, I have tried to date girls, I’m just painfully socially awkward so I struggle to get a conversation started or keep it moving. I also can’t flirt, it’s kinda sad, either it comes out terrible or don’t say anything because I’m worried about whatever my overthinking mind has given me.

So, any advice?