I’m looking for ideally one word, max a sentence or two, that I can use when talking to people I don’t know that well. This means no micro labels that I have to define every single time. I just want the most commonly understood label that doesn’t feel like a lie. I’m happy to offer a longer explanation to people I do have some relationship with, but I’m stuck on how to define myself in a casual setting where people just want a few words.

The explanation: queer is my preferred label, but a lot of people either just assume that means gay or feel like that means they need to ask for more details. I am a cis woman, and technically I’m bi. I am attracted to people of all genders, but I’m not generally interested in pursuing romantic relationships with cishet men. My life is very queer. My social circle is very queer. My media consumption is very queer. When I’ve dated cishet men in the past, I have never felt comfortable in those relationships - those men have felt like tourists in my life. I want to date someone who can relate. That could be a queer woman, a non-binary person, a bi/pan cis man, a trans man - but someone who can relate to being a minority in this way. It’s not totally impossible that I meet a super understanding cishet man who I fall head over heels in love with, but since I’m not purposefully pursuing those relationships, it’s definitely unlikely.

How do I say that without the long explanation? When I say I’m bi, people assume I’m equally open to dating anyone, at best, and that I’m straight and experimenting at worst. If I say I’m gay/lesbian, people understandably assume I am only interested in women. How should I answer this question in a setting that doesn’t allow for the whole explanation I just gave?