I am a white woman who has been with my Indian partner 7 years, married for 1. My brother-in-law and his wife were arranged and have been together for about 10 years. When we got engaged, my SIL became pregnant and though she was in our American wedding she bowed out of a lot of the events leading up to it due to pregnancy. She did not come to our engagement dinner with my family an hour away (they bailed the day of and my husband was sad because they're his only local family) or our wedding in India either which occurred when she was 4 months along. I say this for context because we tried to be very understanding of this.

Fast forward to our American wedding, and 2 months later I became pregnant. So our babies are 9 months apart. While they were dealing with a newborn I was dealing with the early stages of pregnancy and all the nausea and fatigue that come with that. If we saw them and the baby we'd have to come to their house and adjust to their schedule (10 minutes away) and they'd never bring her to ours due to the baby's comfort and her wake windows which they are very rigid about it. Sometimes when we'd get invites over on a weeknight and I had a long day at work while pregnant, I'd be too tired or unwell and we'd decline. Other times they'd call us right before they'd want to meet because she'd have a wake window and we'd be occupied and couldn't meet on such short notice. I'm talking calls like, "Hey she's up now and will be for an hour, come over." And we'd be in the middle of making dinner or doing some job tasks.

Our sister-in-law began to randomly throw out comments over our group chat that baby hasn't bonded with us and we're "strangers" to the baby so baby wouldn't be comfortable being in our house (in response to us inviting them over). One time they suggested we meet them outside at a park so she warms up to us first which irked me as we'd met her many times. We were probably seeing them 2-3 times a month at this point and always on their terms otherwise it would probably be more. As mentioned, a lot of times we'd invite them over and they wouldn't come. They didn't come to our house once between November and March when we live 10 minutes away.

Now our baby is almost 3 months and we're in the throngs of parenthood getting used to everything. In the first 5 weeks they came to our house maybe twice as my SIL doesn't like our MIL who was staying with us. After that, we still had to largely come to them around their baby's wake windows in order to meet up with our very young baby. Again this week we received a long text about how her baby has bonded well and made memories with her other aunts and uncles (I don't even know who this would be because my husband is the only sibling- maybe friends? But they often don't go anywhere.) And if my husband cares to bond with her they should spend a day together. I kind of politely responded we'd love to spend more time but we've been very busy with our baby and adjusting to this new life. I suggested a picnic outside somewhere soon(just because it sounded fun and I'm often cooped up caring for our baby) to which she responded her baby wouldn't be able to play well outside with us because she doesn't know us well enough. This is kind of an exact contradiction of what was said months back. I should also add in the last month I've initiated 3 times to hangout to which they've always declined or bailed on.

Sorry for the long post but I'm just overwhelmed being a new mom as it is and this whole situation is making me feel a little crazy. It just feels like added pressure we don't need right now. We literally have no free time, I'm still on work leave caring for baby all day while my spouse is at work an hour away. When he comes home we basically make dinner, bathe baby and go to bed. Weekends are spent catching up on chores we can't do midweek now. Am I missing anything culturally that would clarify her feelings? I feel like we've genuinely tried and we're always being put down and our personal circumstances disregarded. Thanks for any clarity. Just feeling like we really can't win here no matter what we do.