Hey so I am a 32 year old gay. For a long time I had a straight guy fantasy where I was the pleaser and the "straight" was just enjoying whatever I did to him, mainly oral Sex.

I have changed a bit and I am not so obsessed with this fantasy as I was before, albeit I can still enjoy such a hookup. 2 years ago, I met this 19 year old to carry out the fantasy. He was unlike the others, as it felt that he was more open to enjoying his own body and into other sexual practices. At the beginning he was also penetrating me but that stopped, somehow he says he doesn't really enjoy it although when we did that didn't feel to be the case.

Another nice thing about this friendship is that it doesn't stop at the sex, we also chill. Sometime have nice conversations although he is not really an open person about his feelings. A lot of it has to do with his culture (he's afghan, with probably some traumatic experiences he doesn't share with me. I'm latino). So all in all it is still enjoyable, but his closedness and what feels to me as a lack of enjoyment in his life (and lack of motivation to change it) makes me wonder how much closer we can ever get. He also doesn't care about me cumming, which is fine under the old scheme of things, but I do miss someone caring about my orgasm during sex, and I am still hooking up outside of it.

I understand there is a considerable age difference, he has his own process and I have mine. What I value the most is the consistency: he calls me every two weeks or sometimes every week. When I reach out to him he is responsive and doesn't lie about not being able to meet up, when he can't he just can't and he accepts my negatives as well. This is hard to have in the openly gay world.

The thing is, I value this friendship and I try to give affection within his boundaries. I am not sure how much he values me though, since he would apparently never show appreciation. I don't know how much he values me other than me being by now quite an expert on his body. It would be nice to feel appreciated, but I would have to find another friendship which fulfills this and is also consistent and reliable, and something makes me feel this is super difficult.

So I am not sure if keeping the relationship is healthy, if it is stopping me from finding another. We have no exclusivity agreement and I do hookup around but no other connection until now is as fulfilling as this one.

Any similar experiences or advice?