I met this amazing guy on June 2020, we hit it off really well, we had tons of things in common and he seemed a very trustworthy and simple person, with similar values to mine and overall I felt an instant connection with.

Then a month after chatting, and due to the impossibility of seeing each other during the pandemic, he told me that he was dating someone else pre-pandemic and that it started becoming more serious and that we should stop talking for now, that maybe in the future we would be able to re-kindle our connection.

I kind of forget about him, was happy he was in a happy relationship, but stopped altogether thinking much about him, I was quite confident him and I would get our chance.

Then mid november, I get a message from him. We started chatting as friends first, but then I started noticing him becoming more and more intense with me up to the point that in mid december he told me him and his boyfriend decided to open up the couple and that he wanted to get to know me in depth and that he had missed me ever since we stopped talking and that he was so sorry things went that way if we could meet that would be wonderful and both of us slowly become more and more intense to the point he told me he loved me, that I was perfect, that I was all I ever wanted and so. We were able to see each other once, and then he left on a family trip till the 20th of January. I waited for him, we chatted less but we kept in touch a few days in between.

As soon as he arrived, he told me that we should plan our next date and that he was able to see me that weekend. I proposed to him to come here to my house because it would be empty and he would be able to stay the night, as he lives like 1 hour away I offered him that.

He arrived saturday, everything was great, we had a great date, I felt him a bit disconnected at times but nothing too worrying. He left early apparently, he told me had to live sunday morning because he had a commitment. I didnt think of it much as we were having a great time together really. We kissed for like 20 minutes before him leaving, he hugged me and told me he was going to miss me.

Then I sent him a message telling me to let me know once he gets to his house, as he had to use public transport and just to let me know. He didnt message me, so at night I asked him how he arrived. He replied shortly and I noticed something was up with him.

That's when the following morning he sends me out of the blue, in such a cold way, such a dry way this messages.

"I wanted to let you know that lately I am feeling that I need alone time, to disconnect, it has been a long time since I have been alone at my home and I need to give myself some time. I hope you can understand me, its nothing personal"

I told him it was ok, but then I decided to ask him about his intentions with me, maybe the timing sucked but I had to know because if not I would be waiting as a stupid one again.

He told me, and I will merge the messages into one, this, he was very very cold:

"I dont really know what I want with you, for the moment I don't want to be with anyone. I need to be alone. It's not something about you, it's that I dont want to be dating people, committing to no one. For the moment I feel this way. Nothing happened, I want to prioritize myself. I want to be alone, it's not that I am telling you I dont want to see you and then I date other people. I need time to think what I want to do with my life, with my relationship, I am very mentally stressed and I want to focus on me at least at this moment in time. (I asked him if something happened with his boyfriend, his reply) I dont know if with him, but I dont want to be with someone, I dont even know if I want to be with him, I only know I want to be alone. I want to learn how to live on my own, nothing happened with you. I know you are a great guy, but this didnt happen because of no one. I did not have time or place for myself in so many months that I now want to be like I was when I was single. I want to be alone, I repeat it a hundred times because this is how I feel, please understand me. (I asked him if he wanted me to leave from his life) I am not removing you from my life, i am just telling you i want to be alone. It's that. I dont think you need much else to understand it. (I tell him but arent you in a relationship?) I am no longer in a relationship since I opened it up, since december, since that time I have been thinking of being alone. I dont know what happens I feel so confused lately, confused about forming emotional bonds with other guys, I dont want to be dating people. I dont know what you expect me to say, because you make me become more confused, I think I left it clear how I am feeling sorry. I am sorry it was all so sudden and me being so dry, but I needed to say it. I dont think it was your fault. This things unfortunately happen, but I need you to understand that if you want to me see happy and you want to see me do well, the best you can do is understand me. This situation really makes me feel bad, but its how I am feeling I am sorry. (I asked him again if everything was over) I dont know if everything is over, I dont think it's all black and white, I only know I feel like I feel, we can maybe talk in sometime but I dont want you to be expecting it. I feel you are really worth it, I dont want to leave you but I really need to take care of myself."

I obviously tried it all to convince him and I really threw my dignity out of the window and told him how I felt about him but nothing could be done. I am not sure what will happen at all. It makes me so sad, so sudden, would have never expected this to happen so out of nowhere

I feel afraid, he left me in the dark, without any good explanation, after him being so intense with me. I am not sure how I should act with this.

A week later I sent him a long text message telling him that I could understand his need of time, and his lack of clarity for it must have been hard for him the whole open relationship thing and the whole intense thing with me, and that I was sorry I tried to pressure him and asked things in a forceful way.

He replied quite fast: "Hello M, I understand you and I forgive you. You acted impulsively and I am not the one to judge the way you acted knowing that I myself am an impulsive person and sometimes I react in ways that I end up regretting. For my part, I repeat that I understand you and I do not think it is necessary for you to ask me for forgiveness. I don't want to be wrong with you either, I'm neither angry nor offended or anything. Thanks for the message 🤍🤍”

Not much more said, I was then at night walking and I started recording a voice message for him thinking back and realized he had this issues since long time ago, issues with being mentally stressed, anxious, insecure and it's not something new he is bringing up so I started recording myself for catharsis maybe, I wasn't going to send it but I really liked the way I spoke and said things. It lasted for like 3 minutes of me telling him in a very calm and patient way how I was feeling. He replied as soon as he saw it and told me a very similar message to the one before:

“Thank you very much for the message, I know that I can trust you and I count on you as I also hope that you know that you can count on me. I understand what you say about controlling because I have lived it and it really is a shit but I just don't feel that this is the case. You don't have to ask me for forgiveness and thank you again for understanding my time, it is super valuable 🤍”

I am afraid that he is asking me time in a way to mask and avoid confrontation with me of telling me he is not into me or that I did something wrong or that he feels bad with me. I am not sure if I should wait for him, if I should check up on him, if I should just cry and forget him. I really love him, to the point of when I am feeling nervous I would bring his face to my mind and would make me calmer. I remember all the good things we had planned, all the places to visit, how it all was given between us, everything looked so transparent and nice, zero toxic. But who knows, maybe he stopped liking me? It being so sudden after seeing each other, being so dry, cutting me out.

What do you think?

Thank you.

Sincerely,

tl;dr: started dating a guy, fell for him, it was all a bit complicated with red flags, asked me for time out of nowhere