Hi everyone, I'm going through a difficult time and hoping I can get some advice from wiser folks out there.

I'm a 32 yo mono-amorous gay guy whose been dating a 32 yo polyamorous gay guy since 2019. We starting officially living together since 2021. I would say we've had a pretty great relationship, we love each other a lot and have always had very open and honest communication. We've been in an open relationship which we both wanted. Although I'm mono, I'm pretty open with hooking up and having sex with other guys and so is he. I was always iffy about the poly thing from the start but since I loved my bf a lot we always said we'll go at it and see how we deal with it till it happens.

In the last few months, probably since Sept/Oct we've been going through a difficult patch. It feels like we're constantly fighting, we're both exhausted and it feels difficult to remember why we need to fight for our relationship in the first place. The romance and sex life has also been non-existent. Right before Christmas i was being toxic, and found out he is developing a new relationship by reading some of his texts behind his back. It's new so they're very in love, and I'm super jealous, especially because it seems like he can be parts of himself with this person which I guess he doesn't feel comfortable to show me.

I've been feeling quite miserable since then, although we both committed to working on our relationship, it's still difficult and we're still arguing a lot. I also can't help interpreting the arguments in the light of having this secret information that I've learned about, which he has not yet revealed to me.

Currently, I'm quite worried cause I feel stuck between a rock and a hard place. Either we fight more which makes us feel exhausted and miserable or I suppress when I have bad feelings to avoid fights but then I feel miserable and the mood in the house is down. Part of me feels like we need a break from each other but financially it would be difficult to separate currently due to the cost of living in our city. On the other hand, I just don't think I love myself enough to ever be in a poly relationship and I'm wondering whether I'm being selfish by holding on or whether I should just let him go and be happy.

I don't have a specific question, other any advice, guidance or knowledge you may have to help me improve the situation in whatever way would be welcome. Please be kind and not too judgemental.