Due to a lack a partner/relationship, or even a group of friends I can travel with, I started to travel myself because I didn't want to miss out on life. When I travel, I mostly notice people are with their partner, with friends or both. I try and ignore it, and focus on what I want to do, but at times it just gets boring tbh. There are only so many meals and activities you can do in isolation before it doesn't really feel like an experience vs just your day-to-day life in another place. I can usually find a hookup or so in these places but those connections also fade out as they are just visiting/fleeting also. I also try booking activities etc but even there when you turn up, everyone is with someone, even old people, and I can't help but think I'm pretty isolated.

I have made a lot of effort tying to cultivate friendships over the years, and date, or even convert hookups/party connections to friends or similar, but its proven more difficult as I've gotten older and moved. I've done all the 'self improvement' things e.g. muscles/gym body, dressing up the part, being a regular at sports stuff, I tried social media for a bit too, none of which really pushed me into any new direction or opened new doors. I've also done a lot of self work like therapy and meditation (which I still do) which gives some level of peace, but I feel humans crave connection and I just constantly feel like whatever I do I'm always on the outside and barely scraping though. So sometimes I wonder why I even bother going on holiday. Today, I went to a restuarant myself, and was placed with old people (who I still made convo with) but it was a bit saddening to see I seem to have the experience of basically a 70 year old socially.

At this stage, I'm going to be in NY for career/building wealth reasons, am doing the best I can with myself from all angles (physically, mentally etc), and will of course continue to keep tying to build community, but I guess its dawning on me more and more that I'm hitting a glass ceiling somewhat in terms of 'improvement' and if my life doesn't still change much:

a) What if I never find my tribe or someone who sees me?

b) Are these 'single' holidays all it will ever be and hookups?

c) Either way, how do I find joy in the isolation?

I know comments like 'be thankful you can do things yourself' or 'enjoy your time to yourself it may not last' will be posted, but when thats all it ever is, I'm finding this hard to believe. Even if accurate, I'm at a stage now that I've travelled myself so much that I'm not sure doing more of the same will bring more joy to my life. I can't imagine being with a partner or friends is *that* bad if 99% of people around me are doing this vs being alone.

I've seen some YouTube videos which say 'you are meant for something greater so the isolation is a test/etc' or 'you see people connecting but don't know how deeply they are connected' or things along those lines, but that doesn't exactly help or make me feel better in any way, and is rather presumptuous. Maybe I am not meant for anything 'better' and maybe this is not a test, maybe this is just shit.

p.s. yes I have asked the few friends I have if they will come but budget, lack of interest and/or other commitment issues come in the way, so it never works out.