Likely a rant

Guy pursued me for 3 years, I said I'd give him a chance after I realized sexually and getting along, were a great match figured I'd give it a chance. Things are great, I'm myself with him 100% and I'm not hiding the BDSM side of me.

But it's just so crazy to me to be showered in complements, told he's cried over me and how lucky he feels that I said yes to being a boyfriend rather than just a consistent fuck buddy.

But it's wild to me when he says the words that started a kinda awkward discussion

"I'm fully dedicated to you but my eyes will wander"

and I said

"if that's the case, just be single you can have all the fun you want without the emotional baggage of a boyfriend and different guys to satisfy different needs. I'm happy to be among them but I have to say the idea of being the "favorite person to fuck with boyfriend privileges" isn't just appealing to me anymore, been there, done that and would rather be single and I'd be an asshole to say be exclusive with me when I can't do everything you want and I don't want you harboring resentment for the sake of being with me."

His reply was simply

"Well I feel were both mature enough that If anything bothers us we can bring it up and I don't want to jeopardize what we have"

I responded

"I am being honest, we can be friends with benefits but why have the rules of being open and the emotional baggage of a relationship when I could be single, I've been happy like this since my divorce but I'm just not mentally there anymore to do open*

Kinda just felt like we're at this weird place where he wants me, but I told him what I can mentally deal with and that I'm not ever going to force a relationship dynamic on someone they don't agree with the same I wouldn't want someone doing the same to me. I still believe in different friend groups, solo trips, time away from the partner to just be you so it's not like I'm clingy or saying you only deserve me but damn dude, sex isn't a hobby to me and I don't want a relationship where worries about STDs are a thing and I don't want to be on PReP anymore since it wrecks havoc on my body.