We met on Grindr at the start of quarantine but never met with each other and spoke quite frequently in the 4 months of lockdown. Once things started to open back up he kept pushing to finally meet face to face and I had (still am) so paranoid about the virus I kinda just kept putting it off. Eventually i stepped out of the house and we went to a public park and talked and it was kind of awkward but not too bad. We agreed to have a second date where we kissed and decided to become exclusive.

Fast forward to now, i had the house to myself some time ago and he came over, no sex occurred and we just watched a show on Netflix and ate pizza. While we’ve been talking for what feels like a long time (8 months) we’ve only been dating for a fraction of that time but i never feel like i can be honest with him about how im feeling. I spoke to him and basically said “it feels like im baring my soul and it makes me uncomfortable”. He then tells me why it seems like he’s had a secret and turns out he’s HIV . This isn’t much of an issue as I’m not going to dump him over something like a simple diagnosis but i later explained i was confused as to why he couldn’t have shared this with me earlier (and yes i understand it is difficult but we’d come to know each other so well) and his response was “I didn’t think my feelings for you were legit” when i told him i’ve been all in.

Now i can see myself causing a rift between us. It’s self destructive and horrible but I don’t know how to fix this because he still won’t talk to me, our vid chat conversations are always so awkward. Im questioning whether i see this relationship running in the long term and all this in the midsts of some really important changes to my life. i feel like such a dick and am so lost as i’ve never ever had a substantially real relationship. I dont even know what im trying to say here and just feel like such an asshole. If anyone has any advice i’d really appreciate it sorry for the long winded novel

Update: I broke it off with him. Pretty sad about doing so, but we both wanted different things and even in the end he wasn’t clear with what he wanted and i wasn’t either. Thanks for the advice