A few days ago, I posted a question seeking advice about the best app to use for finding friends among gay men, but now I have another issue. It's slightly related.

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My husband and I have been together over 10 years. Before we met, we both had small circles of gay friends. Over the last 10 years, we have not maintained or increased our circles and never really created a "couple's" circle of friends. I guess you could say we became homebodies and grew too comfortable in that.

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Fast forward to the last month or so. We're making concerted efforts to create both personal and couple's friends. One thing we're doing is going out more in order to meet gay guys. But, the other thing we're doing is using social apps and websites. One app is Scruff. While it seems primarily to be about hookups (what app isn't, right?), there are guys there that seem to want friendships without the requirement of sex. My husband also uses a website intended for spandex fetishes.

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My husband and I also set boundaries for the guys we meet from apps or websites. The two primary rules are (1) no physical meetups without informing the other partner in advance; (2) No sex or sexually-charged situations without first discussing it with the other partner.

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To make a long story short, while I have adhered to both rules, My intuition and observation tells me that my husband has broken the first rule and, potentially, the second.

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Without going into details, I'm at a loss over how to react to this realization. What do I do if I suspect my husband is violating the agreed upon boundaries? For the most part, I trust my husband, but I also know what it's like to suddenly go from - and I'll use an analogy - no candy to keys to the whole fucking candy store.