Growing up in a very religious/conservative household I really had to fight my gay side hard. I’m sure many of us are familiar with that experience, and how forcing down my sexuality felt extremely suffocating.

Eventually at some point i felt like I was exploding. At 19 I had my first sexual experience with a 50 year old married man, I knew that was inappropriate but I did it anyway. I showed my body to men on the internet who sad nasty disgusting things to me that I can’t even repeat myself but I kept doing it, I don’t know why. I was even sexually assaulted by an older man and still went back to him when he asked me to. I would never say the things that they did, or do the things they did to me to others but when it was happening to me I didn’t care. I don’t know, I just felt like I was exploding.

Has anyone else experienced this? Is there any evidence to support a relationship between sexual/romantic suppression and (for lack of better word) reckless behavior?