Hookup culture has shifted so much from proclaimed roots in sex positivity into a toxic arena of nobody being treated like a human being so much as a masturbatory tool.

My hubby and I have been together 6 years. We recently started opening up socially again more since the height of the covid pandemic. We have now met several guys who absolutely want to be our friends and definitely want to have sex but don’t want anything like dating. I respect their personal paths being whatever they need to be at the time, but I don’t want that. The way we fuck, we make love every time. Yeah often there’s some raunchy talk, a collar, a chastity cage, etc etc lots of kink but it’s all real. We don’t do or enjoy meaningless sex.

If these guys are uncomfortable with the idea of dating, what do they think dating is now? And what? Like the friendship will be the same after one of two things inevitably happens: 1. The sex is good and we already like them so our intimacy winds up a turnoff to them 2. The sex isn’t good and we wind up afraid there’s this expectation.

Because honestly I just don’t get it.

What has happened to the gay dating world? Obviously different strokes for different folks, but these trends emerging are disconcerting for our entire community. How tf is it weird to want to get to know somebody before you have sex with them but fine to just have casual sex with your friends? Like, I’m not 25 and delusional anymore…disconnected sex is sex I’d rather just be having with my husband because he’s better at it.

We are quite open to poly dynamics, but we do not want friends with benefits. We want to find somebody who fits with our family and share what we have built together and continue building even further together.

You know. Very traditional Old Guard Leather Family type of thing. Fundamentally respectful of differences. Functional. Stable.

And yeah, it’s partly because we want to know what level of commitment we can expect because neither of us wants to have bunches of sexual partners because we in addition to the subpar boning, we don’t want exposed to every STI going around every time it goes around. How is being so imminently responsible and reasonable an impediment? I really don’t get it.

Please y’all, chime in. Give me your take on why gay dating is becoming so…unhinged