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What are subtle ways mothers are discriminated against even where everything looks “equal” on the surface?
Let’s say, hypothetically, a set of parents share parenting responsibilities equally (equal time taken off work, equal caring responsibilities, etc). Let’s also set aside the physical and emotional trauma of pregnancy and childbirth. So we’re in a (near utopian) situation of parental equality … in what ways would a mother still face discrimination and unequal treatment versus the father?
An example I can think of is shaming, e.g. where a mother who is working late is asked “who’s looking after the kids tonight then?” where it wouldn’t even occur to people to ask the same question of a father.
(Edited for clarity)
"I used to get upset when my mother wouldn't let me go to the beach because the first time I was there, a local kid dunked me under water and I aspirated water which could have ended badly. I came back OK after all, but after that, no swimming for me".
That's how it sounds to me. Now I understand that predators exist, I have met a fair share of them. But the solution is not to deprive the kid of anything that could have a risk but to mitigate the risk (when they are small, you vet the kids' parents, when they grow up, you teach them what to do when there's trouble).
And I would like to add: If there are specific people, like the alcoholic mother, then it's completely understandable. But a blanket "no it's not worth the risk" is not.
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Yeah there are not "essential", just like sports are not essential for socialising kids. But I tell you that it's really shitty to get collected by your parent in the evening while all your friends are still having fun. I'm in my fourties now and I still feel a twinge when I'm thinking about that time and my parents saying "you have your own home" or "you had the whole day with them and now it's time to spend some time at home".