Hey AskFeminists! At the encouragement of a good friend who reminded me that just wanting equality isn't enough, I've been trying to do active research on the subject, understand it better, and realize the little things I had never known were sexist or patriarchal or heteronormative and try to fix them. I know that language is very important in this, and so I'm trying to watch what I say - using female-specific words in a negative context is very clearly wrong, and I've been getting better at not using "bitch" or "pussy" in a derogatory way, even as a joke.

However, many of my friends still feel the way I used to about the topic - that negative words not actively used as insults or even in an insulting context shouldn't be taken seriously - and I find myself wanting to call them on it when it happens, or at least bring it up in private so they know how I feel about the subject.

I'd like to make it clear I know a great community of feminists and forward-thinking liberal people - these aren't dudebros who just don't know any better. In fact the example I have in mind was a gay friend of mine who kept using the word "bitch" in a joking way at a party the other night while in drag.

I'm sorry AskFeminists, I'm still new to this, so maybe I'm lacking enough foundation to even begin to approach talking about the subject. I just know from personal experience how important word choice is on the way people think and I want to say something when it happens without seeming like a jerk (or, since this is a recent development, a hypocrite).

TL;DR - how do I ask a friend not to use "bitch" or "pussy" as negative words, even "ironically" or as a joke, without seeming like I'm censoring or overreacting? And, frankly, am I overreacting?