I currently travelling and not doing very well mentally and emotionally.

I got out of a 10 year relationship, as it got really toxic. My ex was an alcoholic so there was a lot of trauma and crap associated with it, but we also had really good times together.

I have been single for just under 1 year now and it’s been really difficult. I’ve been going to therapy, reading self help books, watching motivational videos on YouTube, exercising and trying to continue living a good life even though it sucks. I do understand it takes time but in the meantime it sucks.

I saved a bit of money and got a bit of time off work. It was also suggested I needed to take some time off as I have a slight mental health episode at work. I just got a bit teary with a meeting with my boss.

Anyway I am in Thailand at the moment for a few weeks and I should be having fun but I’m not. I miss going on holiday with my partner, travelling solo is hard, overwhelming and I just feel not great. I’l tried a few breathwork classes , yoga, meditation to try help me in my journey to recover but it’s actually made me feel worse. Lots of time to ponder and think.

I tried my best to meet people and it’s ok but very superficial and feels meaningless. I’ve been going for massages, an also having a few cheap drinks, sometimes going on nights out. Yesterday, I spend the whole day in bed in the hotel room. I went out in the afternoon to get a coconut shake and started to cry a bit in the restaurant, luckily there was no one there and only the owner saw.

It sucks how depressed I feel and I don’t know how to get out of this hole. It sucks even more that I am in “paradise” and should be using this time to feel good and better.