It's been a while since I've posted here, but you all have always been supportive and provided great advice.

A lot has happened this year. I dove back into a PhD program after three years with my MA and doing the adjunct thing until it was no longer sustainable. I picked up and hauled myself across the country and got a divorce along the way. I found a new partner and hiked him across the country, too.

Romance as an academic is hard.

My partner has big plans, and he's more or less put them on hold for me to finish. I initially planned for three years from start of PhD to finish, but I've just been offered a really sweet post doc across the country, again. That tacks another 2-3 years on until I'm free and mobile, and for my partner and I to settle down. It's an offer I can't refuse, but my partner is afraid it will close more doors than it can open, and he doesn't just want to blindly follow me. He's also afraid that I'll follow whatever opportunity lands in my lap, and I can't legitimately say that's not true. He wants to go back home, and I want to go do this post doc. It's a great opportunity for networking and real experience, and gets me out of this podunk town and into a big city, and gets my name under a pretty great university. I'll miss the West dearly, but honestly, career success is more important to me.

My partner and I talked about it, and I don't want him to continue to put his life on hold until I'm done. This means he'd move back to where we started on the east coast, but is a pretty good distance away from my post doc. I'm really, really afraid this will be the end of us. We spent 8 months long distance, and now have lived together for three. I guess I'm weighing the options of choosing success over love, and it's terrifying. I spent 8 years in a marriage where I let my husband stand on the pedestal, and I don't want to be in that position again. On the other hand, my partner doesn't really get that I can't just stop and go back to the post doc later. It's not like I applied for it. It literally landed in my lap.

Has anyone been in this situation? How did you resolve it? Did you go long distance and follow your dreams, or your heart? Do you think you made the right choice?

UPDATE: Thank you all for your perspectives and stories. Most of you have put me at ease and all of you have given me new things to think about. Ultimately, I wanted to know your experiences, and what worked and what didn't. I'm not sure what will work for us, and the conversation will continue. Thank you, again! See you on the other side!