I hear in many healing and therapy circles that as people get older, they are less mad about the stuff they were super mad at their parents for when they were younger because age made them understand where their parents were coming from better.

Well, I have the opposite experience. Growing up, my dad was violently abusive, accused me of being mentally insane (which has been disproved by 5 shrinks), called me a worthless piece of shit, beat me hard until I had injuries all over my body, and tried to control my entire personality. My mother enabled him and thought that what he did was right. I felt bad for my parents as a kid, because I felt like they had a hard life as immigrants, and my dad also came from a dysfunctional family. So at 12 years old I wrote a suicide note saying that I would kill myself for the sake of my family’s happiness, as it seemed like I only caused them hurt and upset. I told my mother I wanted to die then, and she didn’t take me seriously and said that if I died she would have wasted all the money she spent on me for an upcoming Disney trip. My dad treated my mom like shit, controlling what she wore, saying she was stupid, yelling at her for the tiniest delay. I called him out on his shitty behaviour and told him to stop - he said what was between them was “adult stuff” and that I should mind my own business. I begged her to leave my dad - she refused. I begged my dad to go to therapy - he refused. I begged my parents to move out of the shitty racist town we lived in, where I was abused daily by my classmates and sexually harassed - they refused. They said I would understand them better when I was an adult.

Well, I’m an adult now, and I understand them even less. Because I know I don’t have energy, desire, or adequate mental health to rear children, I decided to be childfree. Unlike them, I go to therapy and take medication to take care of my mental health. I picked a partner who supports me, loves me, and celebrates me - we have fun dates every week (something my parents never did, ever). I chose a career that I both love and can support myself with, and spend wisely with good work life balance (unlike my parents who overworked to afford useless material things and put themselves in debt and blamed their children for their debts). Making these choices was so easy though!!!! So I have even less compassion and understanding for why my parents fucked up as bad as they did. The older I get, the less sympathy i have for them and their struggles.