Recently posted about my mother and my codependent relationship. Someone in the comments introduced me to the word enmeshment and that’s exactly what it is. I live and work abroad away from my mom and dad which gives me my freedom. I’ve been going through some stuff that i don’t feel comfortable talking to family about (which previously i would call my mom or brother about to tall about EVERYTHING, which i had been doing all my life). My mum texts me almost everyday or twice a day on the weekends. I can tell she’s worried but i’m not keen on sharing my problems with her (mostly because any advice given to me is less of helping me but easing her own worries). I felt pissed off and texted her to please stop worrying. If there’s anything i need to talk to family about, i will talk about it. It’s exhausting managing her emotions when i’m trying to sort out my life right now. I do feel awful for asking space because i understand where she’s coming from but she doesn’t live my life. There were a lot of memories in the past that make me feel uncomfortable now that i think of it: - my mum, dad and i shared a room until i was 17 (dad slept on the floor because of his back issues, or i was on the floor). - my mum checked on my phone messages and would even tell me “your friend sent you this” - when i was suicidal and depressed, my mum asked me “do you want me to go away, will that make you happy” (like a part of me was angry because you’re spinning the bad guy part on me when i’m down in my life) - when i was going abroad to study, my mum and aunt came with me to help me settle down. For that week, everyday, my aunt kept telling me “you know, your mum has had a tough time with your dad. You should let you mum stay here with you while you study”. (First of all BITCH i was there every time they fought so don’t think i don’t know) and i would politely explain that i would prefer to be able to do this by myself and i talked to my mum about it personally too (and she said she understood BUT when my aunt brought it up in front of her, she would smile and agree with my aunt that she should stay and take care of me). I lost it after a week when my aunt noticed i was getting upset and she said “talk to us we will listen”. Like has nothing i said for the past week gone into your ears at all? - when i gave up that uni course and went home (for psychological reasons) my mum sat me down and rather than asked me what was wrong, she asked “why can’t you go to uni?” Like what’s wrong with me? - my mum would berate my father, talk shit about him to me - my mum once downloaded an app game that i was playing and tried buying extra gems on the game to boost herself ahead of me, wasn’t sure what buying gems meant and it was only once i told her she bought it with real money did she explain she wanted to get ahead of me in the game

There are so many more instances.