I love to sing. It makes me so happy to do it, even if I’m not very good. I have been trying to get better and improve my skills with a friend of mine who is a vocal coach. I would love one day to be good enough to perform at open mics in front of audiences. But I’m so mentally ill because of the trauma that I can barely dedicate any effort and time to practice singing, because all my energy and effort in life is wrapped up in trying to heal my trauma, the struggle of navigating daily life as a very mentally ill and traumatized person and trying to take care of myself so I can function at a minimum in life. I was so ill that less than two weeks ago I had to go to the psych ward.

I hate this so much. It makes me feel like all of my energy is spent just barely surviving. I’ve been no contact with abusive APs since I was 20 - so for over 6 years - and it’s still a struggle.