For context, I (31F) got my first apartment (outside of college housing) last year. I moved out of state and have been doing well. Obviously moving was very expensive, and money was tighter than usual in the beginning as I tried to get EVERYTHING I needed for my apartment.

My mom is Filipina and very cheap (shocker). I’m talking thrift store (no shame to anyone who shops there), counts every penny, sees the world through dollar signs as my dad (Black American) says. She prides herself on the fact that she never buys new clothes, etc, except she does buy a lot of jewelry. Which hey, my parents are retired and worked hard, she should.

Here’s where my issue comes in. When my parents were young, they struggled, like most young couples. Today they’re doing very well for themselves, which I’m thankful for.

When it came to MY apartment, my mom INSISTED I BARELY spend money ANYWHERE. I’m talking, paper plates, plastic utensils, no couch, no rug, basically nothing that will make the place feel cozy or lived in at all. I say it’s like she wanted me to live like a homeless person with a home. Why? “When me and your dad were your age we didn’t have that.” Well, I’m sorry and I’m so glad you guys are doing so well now BUT DO I HAVE TO LIVE LIKE THAT???!!! My bed broke before I moved, so I had to buy a new one, and she wanted me to get a boxed mattress from Amazon (which are actually pretty comfortable, but I wouldn’t wanna sleep on one long term) and the cheapest bed frame I could find. I put my foot down and told her I’ve gone cheap on everything else, but I’m NOT going cheap on my bed. Meanwhile she’s sleeping on a $6k Tempur Pedic adjustable bed. I ended up buying a quality mattress and bed frame. They know I’m in the process of buying a couch (finally), but I didn’t tell them I’m also getting a nightstand and dresser (tired of putting stuff on the floor next to my bed).

Like my best friend and I say, we can’t have anything nice or that brings us any happiness.

My parents came to visit right after I moved in, and I warned them I barely had anything to accommodate them (chairs, towels, etc). They said they would make do and came. My dad graciously spent $800 - $1k outfitting my apartment with various things I needed. As we were walking out of Walmart, I was thanking them and telling them how much I appreciate them helping me. My dad says “it’s no problem. I know how hard it is when you’re just starting out.” My mom says, “you just didn’t wanna spend your own money.” Thanks, mom. We could’ve just left it at what dad said.

Anyone else?????