Tell me why whenever family comes to town it's always my parents who volunteer to drive them to the airport, basically be their chauffeur for the week, and drive them back, all the while giving them gifts and shit (we're not very well off). But if they try to reciprocate it's rude to accept it?

Like tell me why when I went to a city for a conference I asked to stay at an uncle's place for the night (and uncle we are very close to) and when he told my dad about it (not in a snitching way but in a casual "oh I get to see your son!") I got an earful for being rude and annoying people and that I'm picking up bad habits.

And my aunt (retired early, wealthy, her kids go to school in the US they stayed with us a few times) who we haven't seen in years invited us to stay with her in her very large place in Hong Kong for a week while she showed us around. I thought that would be nice, but my parents refused. I asked why and my dad started yelling at me and lecture me about how all I do is take advantage of people. Because accepting an offer like that is selfish and all we would be is a nuisance and an annoyance. Like I'm pretty sure a family member whose kids haven't been around in years would LOVE to see family like us and show us around. But noooo my parents don't want to trouble them even though we sent their kids to and from the airport at the asscrack of dawn several, several times.

They are so willing to bend over backwards for other people and when people show the slightest bit of kindness back they reject it and tell me it's rude to accept it. EVEN if that "kindness" is also self-serving, as in it benefits us as much as them.

I swear this is the reason why I'm so shitty at accepting compliments or kindness from other people. I feel guilty when people are nice to me and I trace it back to their shitty ideas.